The life I chose…

‘You’re just so traditional.’

Never mind how I ended up at the dinner table with this woman who, quite frankly, electrocuted my inner energy in a way that triggered the universe of human nature to send a warning to my thoughts:

‘Slow down, Crystal… don’t fully open the door for her…’

As I’ve grown older, I’ve become what some would call an over-sharer. Maybe it’s because I locked in so hard during my 20s that my memories finally feel free enough to spill out now that I’ve arrived at my destination.

I protected my story then.

I’d been in rooms and places and even communities that made decisions about me based on other people all too often, and my 20s offered me new cities and communities that only knew what I wanted them to know about me.

I never lied about where I came from, but I held it close and protected it fiercely.

And I found clarity in understanding that sometimes a story isn’t actually mine — it belongs to someone else, and I’m simply part of it.

There’s so much beauty in knowing what you want to claim…and what you’re willing to release.

My soul belongs in communities where introductions don’t begin with:

’Who are your parents?’

and

‘Where do you go to church?’

Much of my upbringing was anything but traditional. And traditional was something I wanted deeply.

It took a lot of unbecoming to become.

My response to the statement made at that dinner table — the one intended to insult me, but today feels like a compliment?

‘I worked REALLY hard to be traditional.’

I chose this life…it didn’t choose me.

Can everyone say that?

Some of you have asked about my blog recently…I’ve not stopped writing. A lot of my recent stories have been dark. I’m not sure why these are the ones currently spilling from my fingertips onto the keyboard, but I do know they are filled with hurt.

And I don’t want to hurt.

Still growing. Still finding my way.

Still in my cocoon perfecting my wings and still a mockingbird learning to sing…

One of the beautiful gifts the Pandemic brought me was endless time in my garden. During this this period, I fell in love with raising butterflies and transformed my backyard into a Certified Butterfly Garden and Monarch Waystation…one day I’ll write about that metamorphosis, as well. 🎵

Until then, this photo serves the story above…